Worry in Haiku

Granny

Lonely, Resigned, Frail
Waiting, Missing Loved Ones Gone
Generation's End

Mama

Tired, Short of Breath
Atrial Fibrilation
Lung Carcinoma

Still Kickin'

I can't believe I haven't blogged since 2014.  So much happens from day to day, so the absence of time represented here seems impossible to go back and document.  I've been in dormancy.  No reading or writing to speak of since finishing my master's.  All purposeful thinking on "things" and desire for seeking out the "things" to think upon in books went away for awhile.  I've been hiding behind the digital world, watching from behind my screens.  I'm feeling a reawakening, though.  After the holidays have kicked my tail, I'm planning on reinvesting in my cognitive and spiritual selves that have been ignored for too long.  That probably means I have to turn off the screens.  That's okay.

Wyoming 2014

Wonderful trip.  Missed Garon like crazy.  Some favorite pics...

View off south side of Casper Mountain of Muddy Mountain and beyond

Examining a rock on Crimson Dawn trail on Casper Mountain

At the Smith cabin

Oh deer!

Uncle Toddly ♥

Jackrabbit at Hell's Half Acre

Reservoir side of Buffalo Bill Dam

On the dam...200+ feet to bottom

Pretty

Wapiti Valley east of Yellowstone

Greencreek Inn, Wapiti Valley

Hot!

The road by this sign (Firehole Drive) melted in July before our visit!

Too close!  Only way through was past him, though...

Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone

Great-grandma Marcia ♥

Todd cut holes in the fence between Marcia and her neighbor to give the dogs a view.

Adrion and his look-alike great-uncle Todd

Moments in Time...

May: 
Adrion's kindergarten graduation...

Tori's 6th grade graduation...

Janelle's ATU graduation!

June:
Tori and Adrion started Kuk Sool Won...

Petit Jean mini-vaca...

Great Smoky Mountains vaca...

July:
Completion of 35th trip around the sun...

Casper/Yellowstone vaca...

...pics to come!

My Uncle Timmy

I'm missing you so much.  I'm wondering where you are now.  Why does God want us to love each other when our time together is so short?  I have a lot of theological and philosophical answers to that question, but my heart doesn't understand.  You had such an impact on my life--I didn't even realize how much until I lost you.  Selfish.

Thank you for all of the walks--around the pond, at Lake Fort Smith, at UAFS.  Thank you for laughing at and through Life in good times and in bad.  Thank you for showing me how to fight with grace.  Thank you for showing me how to serve others in love.  Thank you for being real and never caring about what others thought or how they lived.  Thank you for loving my Garon and my babies.  Thank you for the house in Mountainburg.  Thank you for watching the skies with me--stars, clouds, storms.

I miss you.

Fruit of the Spirit

I'm not sure how many days out I am now, but the physical symptoms from quitting meds seem to be gone. So, I am now becoming reacquainted with my emotions au natural.  So far so good.  I am, however, way less tolerant of just about everything.  My current mantra to self is: "Inhale gratitude, exhale love."

Tomorrow begins the 2014 season of lent.  This season I will focus on the Fruit of the Spirit.  I hope to faithfully give up screens...I have felt so undisciplined for the past few years with National Boards and now college consuming my choice in time, so I am hesitant to say I'm fully committed.  However, it's time to change.  I'm ready.  And I want to serve my God.  I want to be his clay.  So I will strive to be faithfully still, prioritize, and re-adjust the balance in my life that has been so completely out of whack.

I love you, Lord.  Please help me recenter on You in all things.

Withdrawal Again

The laundry list:

-night sweats, really bad.
-roller coaster of extreme agitation to deep (crying) sentimentality back to extreme agitation
-OCD
-mega headache that comes and goes since last dose
-dizziness
-brain "zaps"
-hot flashes/can't control body temp.  I'm cold then hot then cold then hot...all within 5 minutes
-sick gut
-trouble tracking/focusing eyes

The dizziness and headache were the worst to get through the first couple days totally off the med.  All of the symptoms are still present, though not as intense as those first couple days.  I've been checking out internet opinions on the subject, and these side effects could last weeks.  I'm a little nervous about becoming re-acquainted with my non-medicated self!  15 years of modern medicine's assist with mellowing me out...we shall see.