Public again...

:)

December 2012

Today is the day after Christmas 2012, and this year has been a blur.  Biggest milestones...

• National Boards achieved. 
•  25 hours down, 20 to go toward master's degree.  
• In the process of buying a house.

We're so blessed, and I am so thankful.  ♥

Moving Forward

On Saturday, November 17th at 4:30 a.m. after dreaming about my results all night, I finally got out of bed to see if scores were posted.  I entered my username and password and then covered my eyes.  I peeked through my fingers, and......I'd typed the wrong password.  So, I tried again, covered my eyes, peeked, and....."Congratulations, you are a National Board Certified Teacher!" scrolled across the screen.  The relief I felt was indescribable...a tangible weight was truly lifted.

Today I am also finishing assignments for my last class this semester, so I'm looking forward to a break for my cognitive self.  This journey through National Boards and my Master's so far has been completely on God's momentum.  I have felt inept, incompetent, unable, unworthy, and completely over-extended.  But my God is carrying me and has blessed me with an amazing support system.  "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord of hosts."

Thanksgiving in Wyoming 2012

After 18 hours of driving in Mom and Dad's RV (followed by their small car), we arrived in Casper for Thanksgiving with Grandma Marcia and Uncle Todd.  "We" included the Kernses, the Murrays, the Smiths, Snuffy, and Harmony.  The driving was rough, but the memories were worth it.  Thank you, God, for my amazing family who I love so much.  We are blessed.

Xena

My doggie, Xena Weena, went to heaven yesterday.  I will never forget her.  Off the top of my head...

• Chopping vines in front of 128 E. Willow with her little puppy self helping.
• Turbo circles in Granny and Grandpa's yard.
• Walkies at Lake Fort Smith.
• Walkies up and down the runway on Tate Road.
• Sharing her with the Smiths when we moved to Tate Road.
• Geriatric dogville at the Smiths (Sweetie, Rosie, Shep, Xena).
• Her dog box that she loved and exploded in and out of...

Xena, you were such a good doggie, and I will miss you.  I know you are happy running, bouncing, and playing in heaven.  You are special in my heart and I love you.

September 2012

So busy I'm numb...

18 hours done, 36 to go to finish my master's degree.  Working on that plus starting my new combo position at County Line: counseling + title 1 reading.  I'm prayerful, humble, and doing all I can to fulfill the responsibilities of my job descriptions.  I'm also anticipating my results from National Boards again in November. Please, God, let me be finished with that.  I'm also doing my best being a mom, wife, sister, daughter, and friend.  I think I'm probably just skimming the surface in all areas, but I'm just keeping on moving.  If I stop, I get paralyzed thinking about it all.

Right now I am procrastinating.  I have assignments to do for my classes, and I'm avoiding them.  Gotta just do it.  Tori and Adrion are with Nonna and Pops tonight.  The house is very quiet...

Closing This Door

After some updates on life at present for us Kernses, I am going back underground...AKA offline.  Blogging here has been fun and therapeutic, but I'm ready to close this "open book".  What a blessed journey this life is.

Garon:  35.  4 years now at USA Truck, and has taken on multiple management hats after another supervisor had a terrible accident a few weeks back...(On his way to Fort Smith from Springdale, "Phil" came upon an accident.  He got out of his vehicle to help and was hit by another car.  He is now recovering after multiple surgeries...many breaks from the waist down, plus broken arm, plus 300+ stitches to head, and I don't know what else.)  I love my G, and I am thankful that he is a husband who loves his family and works hard to provide for us.  After all this time together, I'm still crazy about him.

Me:  32.  Thanks to Grandma Marcia, I am back in college working toward  my master's in counseling.  Next year (2012-2013 school year) I will be part-time Title 1 Reading teacher for 3rd-6th grade and part-time counselor for K-6.  My schooling and career have been orchestrated by God from the get-go, and I am amazed to look back at how He has led me from a spirit of discontent to a place where I want to be still.  County Line has been (and I know will continue to be) one of the greatest blessings in my life.  The people and culture there have grown more and more precious to me, and though I've fought it, I am coming to accept it as a place to grow roots. 

Tori:  10.  Wow, my Tori.  She is my light and my constant challenge. So smart, so sweet, so special.  God's Grace..Reflection on her story is hard for this mama's heart.  I'm profoundly in love with her, and I thank God for entrusting us with her.  5th grade next year, fixated right now on dolphins and Perry the Platypus, and loves life.  She is vibrant, playful, inquisitive, beautiful.  She does not love math, and we'll be working on that this summer.  What a girl...

Adrion:  4.  My spunky, rambunctious, tender-hearted, precious little boy.  He loves his mama, and the feeling is mutual.  He started pre-K at County Line the last three weeks of school to guarantee a spot next year.  More blessings...next year my two kids will be with me where we will work and learn together.  Awesome...His favorites right now are Buzz Lightyear, the Power Rangers, and his blankies.  He is also very interested in outer space and rockets. 

And that's a brief picture of us in this fleeting moment of time.  I look forward to what's next with an open mind and a humble heart.  In my spiritual journey right now, here is where my heart is:

Colossians 3

English Standard Version (ESV)

Put On the New Self

3  If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ²  Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. ³ For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ who is your^[a] life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

⁵  Put to death therefore what is earthly in you:^[b] sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. ⁶  On account of these the wrath of God is coming.^{[c] 7}  In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. ⁸ But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. ⁹  Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self^[d] with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. ¹¹  Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave,^[e] free; but Christ is all, and in all.
¹²  Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, ¹³  bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴ And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Spring Orchestra...

...from my iphone...no image (except neighbor's light), so just for your listening pleasure...

Spring Is Coming!

Lent 2012

Giving up "negativity".  :)  No negative thoughts, feelings, actions.  Garon is sweet and doesn't think I'm negative in the first place, but I am.  There are certain times when I am a decidedly "Negative Nelli".  I will fail, but that's the point...When I do, I will reflect, pray, and rest in God's grace.  So blessed, so thankful, and so in love with life!

Snow Day!

AKA...Homework Day!  I have some catch-up to do, and I'm thankful for the extra TIME!  But first, the kids dragged me out of bed and into the snow...

Bill's Pond

Bill's Hay bales

The beginning of a snowman...

Snow Dogs

Melancholy...

...has taken hold tonight.  Thinking of my beautiful sis and how special she is in my life.  One of God's amazing gifts for me.  Though we're nearly four years apart, I feel like we shared the womb, like we were one and only entry onto this earth broke us apart.  Our hearts are alike.  Our fears are alike.  Our chemistry is alike.  Our spirits are alike...hard to describe.  So glad she's mine.  I love her.

Reminiscing

Sat. Feb. 9th, 2008...Around lunchtime...Getting ready to take Tori to Nonna and Pops.  Labor will be induced tomorrow, and Tori is staying with them for a few days.

1:45 PM...Garon and I leave the house to drop Tori off.  On a whim, I tell Garon to go ahead and put the packed hospital bag in the car.

2:15 PM...Taco Bell for me.

2:30 PM...Braum's ice cream for Tori

Shortly after 3:00...We meet Nonna and Pops and drop off Tori.


3 something...Arrive in Van Buren to visit Ty and Stacie.  Contractions start about 5 minutes apart.

3:30ish...We leave Van Buren headed to hospital.

4ish...Admitted to observation room at hospital.  I ask for epidural to be ordered.  Nurse says dismissively, "Okay, we will" and leaves the room.

4-later-ish...I tell Garon "I'm not getting an epidural."  Garon says, "Yes you will.  Don't worry."  I steel myself for no-drugs labor.

4:35ish...I'm finally being wheeled to a delivery room.  When I get there, I have to crawl onto another bed.  Nurses are trying to start an IV and telling me not to push.  Doctor Muylaert is not there.  No doctor is there.

4:39ish...Doctor McClanahan is pulled in from the floor.

4:40...Adrion is born.  Nurses get IV in place.

4:45...Doctor Muylaert walks in.

4:50ish...Garon calls family to tell them Adrion is here.  No one believes him. :)

Now, Feb. 8, 2012...I'm still reeling from the wild ride of Adrion's birth.  I lived it, but it was so fast and furious that it seemed surreal.  Also surreal is that tomorrow Adrion will be 4.  I love him to pieces, and I am so proud of him and his beautiful big sister.  Thank you, God, for my children.

National Boards, Take 2

Dug in today.  A girl in my "Organizational Change" class is certified and leads a support group in her area.  She said she "loves it."  Me:  "Really?  You LOVE National Boards?"  Her:  "Yes."  I accept her answer, but I seriously wonder at my completely opposite regard for the process.

So, I'm trying to channel her love and change my NB paradigm.  I'm also proceeding very prayerfully...not that prayer means I'll get a passing score...just for clarity and peace as I write/teach/create...

I hope sincerely that I can look back at the process and appreciate professional change...I want to be glad I did this and be supportive and positive to others going for it. 

So without any further ado, I'm going jogging to clear my head after all that concentration. :)

Tonight...

...the smell of cedar, a falling star, frogs singing...It's unseasonably warm, and Earth is breathing here on Tate Road. 

Lambert

The kids just finished watching a cartoon about "Lambert".  Lambert is a lion who the stork mistakenly delivers to a sheep.  Lambert grows up a "sheepish" lion, and then one night a coyote comes upon the his herd.  Lambert sees him, is scared, and tries to hide behind the other sheep.  As Lambert watches, petrified, the coyote takes his mother.

At this point, I am engrossed in the plot.  Garon even walks through and asks, "What are you looking at?"  I am thinking to myself, "Lambert doesn't know his potential!"  Even though I know the plot line will resolve happily, I am nervous and rooting Lambert on...

Then I think of myself as an outsider looking in.  Then I think of the characters as us and God being the One looking in.  He knows each of our individual potentials, and we must make him crazy as we hide (or turn away) from the gifts we've been given.  But in His wisdom, He molds us.  Circumstances (usually hard ones) force us to come forth and be who we were made to be.  Not until encountering situations our small human minds could never dream of do we see a glimpse of our enlightened selves.

My good friend, Nancy, also recently shared another angle on the subject of hard circumstances and character building...she spoke of the process metal is put through in order to skim away impurities.  First it is placed above fire, then it is melted, and finally the impurities rise to the top to be skimmed away.  We are like metal.  Sometimes we don't even realize our lack of Grace until we are put "against the fire".  Our reactions to our circumstances reveal our true natures.  Once made aware of our weaknesses, we can give them to God and let Him change us.

Back to Lambert...I'm finding irony as I reflect on the fact that Lambert's "true nature" actually makes him a danger to his family.  However, our "true nature" is equally menacing.  Only with the Grace of God can we use our gifts for good.  Otherwise, like Lambert, our own incompetent misuse inevitably leads to darkness.

All of that said, I pray that God will mold me and let me be His hands and voice and feet here on Earth.  I pray that He takes my life through whatever circumstances necessary to break me from my impurities in order to change my heart.  Please, God, let my eyes be open to Your Will that I may grow closer to You every day of this new year, 2012.  Help me be giving and selfless.  Help me spread Your Light and Love.