I think? I am so sick of school (college) I can't stand it. All I have to do this semester is log internship hours and reflect on specific experiences (22), but my school mojo is g.o.n.e. I don't remember the last time I've blogged. No time. Just time for running in my hamster wheel of have-to's. Choice and freedom of time are foggy memories. I haven't had time to keep up with my husband, my children, my house, my other relationships, my pets, my hair, birthdays, emails, letters, blogging, dates, appointments, homegroup, church...bleh.
So much has happened since I've last written here. Too much to recount. I've just taken it all day by day (and not very effectively) as I've inched my way to the finish line coming this May. The most impactful event has been the loss of Tim. I guess I'm in the anger stage of my grief because I feel mad at God's plan right now that leaves us earthlings in the dark while taking our loved ones to the light. I know I am a small, inept, unworthy human being, but I wonder right now at God...what's the hold-up? Why are we still here? Humanity is more broken than ever, and though I find my rest in God's Word, I wonder sometimes if we've been left for good because of our badness...as in He's not coming back. Dreary, dreary, dreary. Then my emotions swing the other way, and all I can see are the unfathomable, infinite blessings in my life...Must. finish. school. Must. regain. perspective.
My main reason for blogging today is to mark the date (and post daily after today) of quitting my depression meds. I've been on meds since I was 20, and they've served me well, but with an end to mega-stress in sight, I'm ready to be done. For probably twelve of these years, I've taken Zoloft. For the last couple I've taken Pristiq. So this is the end of meds, and I am going to track my withdrawal symptoms here.
Days 1-4: I don't know. Pristiq is an extended-release drug given in only 50 or 100 mg doses. I've been on 100 mg. Cutting the pills takes away the extended-release feature of the med (and that's what I've done for the past four days), so that could explain the headache and sick stomach I've had all weekend. However, I went home from school with fever and an extremely achy body on Friday that I don't think could have been the medicine. So I think I've been experiencing a combination of a virus plus some withdrawal. Familiar symptoms I'm having are dizziness and difficulty adjusting my focus (eye-tracking) from place to place. Also, I may be having some memory issues. Last night I was trying to get "David Blayne" out of my head in a conversation with Garon, but all I could get out was "You know that guy, Bill Stood." Whoa.
