Contemplations

I've had some recurring thought sequences for the past couple of months that I want to document before this piece of time fades away...

1.  Seasons of Life...A new one has come. And there are so many more than four...I think God's seasonal model for us has many substages, and Life is a spiral of seasons as we learn and move upward and around the frame...and with marriage, it looks like the double helix of DNA...two lives fighting to grow together, supporting each other's progress.

The season I am moving into feels like liberation from old paradigms I've stood behind. It's like seeing the Rockies from the top of Quandary's Peak. It's time for the next level. I feel empowered and bold...but still waiting for His timing. It's close though. My CL contract ends in three months and three weeks. (I'm not counting the freedom of Spring Break.) At the end of this contract is the end of my obligation to the Impact program and the end of my 10 years of National Board bonuses. I'm working on my presentation for the school board of my 17-year journey at CL, and I feel like it will be a farewell message. I've almost finished reading the Bible cover to cover...a one-year goal that is in year 5. That accomplishment feels like a milestone, too...I can almost see from the top of that mountain.

2. I Am What I Am...Daddy's girl. I watched a documentary on National Geographic today called Torn. The central character is like Dad, driven by a force more intense than most people's. He has a restlessness and passion for life that pushes him to the edge...my sister and I have it, too. His brother and sister have it. I think Grandpa Wendell is the source--or maybe the dynamic combination of Wendell and Marcia...both being powerful forces in mind and spirit. My sis and I have had so many conversations about how that furious blood feels, affecting our contentment and decision-making...sinking us in melancholy, and then igniting us in elation. Today I choose to change my paradigm of fighting that force. I won't apologize for it anymore. It is how I'm made...why would I fight a trait within myself that I admire so much in my dad? It's mine by birthright. So be it.

3. What'snext?? and Hiswillnotmine...my two most recent passwords at work. I am so excited for change, and my need for it to crush me like a tidal wave is becoming palpable, almost tangible. I don't know what God's will might be for this next season, but I am poised for it--ready to ride.

4. Charleston FBC...this is a weird one. Our very good friends Chris and Becky are there now. Adrion has been attending youth events with their son. A few weeks ago, the horror of the dark side of technology happened in our home, and I know the only way to stand against it is with other Christian people. How could I stand before God one day and explain why I didn't stop it for my children? With Mom and Dad in WY and CO and the wonderful previous pastor gone from Vesta UMC, it has been time for change there, too. So G and I made a decision to step into Charleston FBC for our children. It's so strange, and I don't understand yet, but I feel at home there. Whatever disgust I fed from my childhood experiences in Charleston seems to be resolved. I feel love and an open heart.

I am grateful. I am thankful for my Life. I am thankful for my marriage. I am thankful for my beautiful children. I am thankful for our warm home and the freedom to roam. My foundation is firm. Time for the next step.