Yep. That's me sometimes. I get hot and bothered about something, and I react. I live very emotionally. Not so much ever logically. I definitely tend to jump before I think. This lovely characteristic of mine has had some repercussions, but I think it's just part of my story. Each time I have reacted too rashly, I've had to wait for time to slowly heal the gouges I've caused in relationships, finances, life's purpose...I own it, and I'm working on it.
In C.S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia series, when the characters don't understand the attitudes/actions/injustices of another's life, Aslan (the lion) often counsels them in saying, "That's his (or her) story." In other words, don't try to understand or judge. Everyone has their individual journey of faith, and God deals with each person differently. That idea has been very liberating for me. When I consider my circumstances at any particular moment or the circumstances of others around me, it is such a load off my shoulders to realize that I don't have to worry about it. That's God's job. All I have to do is stay focused on Him, and he'll carry that load. When we own the fact that each of our stories is unique, our judgments have to turn inward. We can no longer point at someone else's flaws. That's God's story with that person, so we in turn have to look inward and question our own stories.
I do believe I digressed. So back on point, my greatest regrets are the hurtful words I've spent toward people I love. In my heated reactivity, I have carelessly wounded beloved friends and family. If you are reading this and you are one of these people, I'm sorry. I've had my ugly moments, and those make me sad.
BUT, life is so good, so beautiful, so abundant, so sweet, and I am so thankful. I love my God with all my heart, and I try every day to give my everything to Him. What's your story?
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Amber
I reconnected with my bestest friend today. She is such a piece of me in such a profound way. Most people in life are just passing faces as we move from season to season, but a few take a piece of you if they go. My friend is like that. There is a piece of me that is only complete when I have her. I love you, Amber!!! You are my strong, funny, smart, resilient, beautiful friend.
Monday, February 1, 2010
M.A.S.H.
Organizing life makes me tired. Right now I need to be doing oh so many purposeful daily things, but I am avoiding them. So, I blog. I blog with no reason for blogging. Nothing to say really. Just sitting here considering the minor details in my corner of the universe...
Actually, truth be told, I am stuck in a fever of anticipation. But it's not hyper anticipation. It's very lethargic. Like my mind could be so busy and occupied in so many different directions that it's easier just to be still and think nothing. Do nothing. Yep. Nothing feels good. I like it.
But nothing won't last. Soon I will drag my booty up and clean the kitchen, do some laundry, pick up the living room, bathe my children, read to my children, put my children to bed, grade papers, write out birthday invitations, read some books...and hopefully all before about 10:30. That gives me 3 hours and 25 minutes.
But my lazy anticipation, I'm afraid, is here to stay for awhile. It's like hovering over the edge of a cliff with a parachute ready to jump. I know I'm going to do it, but I'm nervous. I'm hesitant. I think I'd prefer rappelling. I know. That metaphor doesn't really make sense, but it does.
So what's all the convoluted writing about? We. Are. Building. A. House.
Actually, truth be told, I am stuck in a fever of anticipation. But it's not hyper anticipation. It's very lethargic. Like my mind could be so busy and occupied in so many different directions that it's easier just to be still and think nothing. Do nothing. Yep. Nothing feels good. I like it.
But nothing won't last. Soon I will drag my booty up and clean the kitchen, do some laundry, pick up the living room, bathe my children, read to my children, put my children to bed, grade papers, write out birthday invitations, read some books...and hopefully all before about 10:30. That gives me 3 hours and 25 minutes.
But my lazy anticipation, I'm afraid, is here to stay for awhile. It's like hovering over the edge of a cliff with a parachute ready to jump. I know I'm going to do it, but I'm nervous. I'm hesitant. I think I'd prefer rappelling. I know. That metaphor doesn't really make sense, but it does.
So what's all the convoluted writing about? We. Are. Building. A. House.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Nemesis:
Since my husband (and the rest of my family who are becoming aware of my resolution) prefer to reach me in a more expedient manner than snail mail, I'm giving in on no cell. Boo. I seriously don't like this little creature, but I do love my family, so I give.
I will try to nurture it and keep it alive, but something deeply subconscious in me will undoubtedly cause continued abuse and neglect. But go ahead. Call me.
Monday, January 4, 2010
A Ranting, Raving Resolution
So this is it. 2010. We're in the future. And the infusion of technology in our everyday lives is ridiculous. No, flying cars have not yet made the scene and we can't transport from one place on earth to another (or to another planet yet), but otherwise life on this planet has mega-warped into an unrecognizable existence from that of only 100 years ago--or even 10 years ago.
Consider the Roman Empire. 2,000 years of a civilization that is portrayed by basically the same consistent picture...go ahead, close your eyes. Imagine what that looked like. The same. For 2,000 years. And now we have to gauge our modern history in terms of decades to keep up with the changes. The pace is relentless, cumbersome, overwhelming. There are too many choices. People used to make their own food, build their own homes, birth their own babies, make informed decisions. Now people (including myself) just float from one job/home/partner(not me)/meal to the next brainlessly. If we're not careful in this world of overindulgence, we will lose ourselves.
So now more than ever with no fear of loss of life, food, shelter, or water and life that's pretty darn effortless, we have to focus. (I'm talking about America here. I do realize that many parts of this world do not share our wealth of resources). With basic needs in jeopardy, minds are occupied and purposeful, but when you have everything in the world you could possibly need, what then? I believe humankind was meant to rise above the struggle for survival. Here in the future we shouldn't still be fighting for survival . So the fact that we don't have to work so hard physically is good, but now that we have more time to use our brains, what do we do with them? I know where my focus should be, and I'm determined to do better. But one of my stumbling blocks? Technology.
I believe all of the futuristic technological toys increasing exponentially in their abilities to take the place of our brains are BAD. They are not helping us be more wise and realized. They are helping us be stupid. We can no longer remember phone numbers. We can no longer find a destination using an old-fashioned map. We are losing the ability to have real conversations. We no longer fine-tune personal interests into unique talent (because of that moving box that entertains us during those precious extra minutes of the day). Our kids don't know how to play outside. Imaginations are being snuffed out. Oh--and I'm guilty--when we do find that extra time for the elusive family vacation, do we look at the scenery, play road games, read, or just plain ol' talk to each other? Well no, we watch the DVDs playing on the built-in DVD player in our cars. What? Just missed the buffalo that crossed the road? Oh well. Saw it on the internet. And probably the biggest stupidity of all--again, I'm guilty--driving a speeding bullet one-handed because that minute of silence from non-techno-brain-infusion was deafening.
Our humanity feels broken. We don't want to think anymore. (As a teacher, I see this EVERY DAY. Kids don't know how to tap in to their own voices.) And, we are too aware of each other's business. We have too much time to piddle and poke around accomplishing nothing--just spending our most precious resource of all, TIME,plugged in to technology as our brains atrophy.
Sooooooo, I'm calling my bluff. I'm canceling my facebook. I'm canceling my email. If you need to get in touch with me, you'll have to write me an old-fashioned letter or call my land line. Yes, I'm also canceling my cell phone. I'm going back to the dark ages, and I'm excited. Oh, the possiblities!! You could also comment here on my blog, because this I will keep. To be completely un-hypocritical, I should go back to journals and scrap books, but I like my blog. So, I'm keeping just this one thing. Hmmm...while I'm at it, I'm quitting TV, too. Just news. That's all. And movies. G and me love movies.
Well, I didn't think I was making any resolutions this year, but I guess that's what this is. A resolution to change my life in search of more quality and less quantity. Happy 2010.
Consider the Roman Empire. 2,000 years of a civilization that is portrayed by basically the same consistent picture...go ahead, close your eyes. Imagine what that looked like. The same. For 2,000 years. And now we have to gauge our modern history in terms of decades to keep up with the changes. The pace is relentless, cumbersome, overwhelming. There are too many choices. People used to make their own food, build their own homes, birth their own babies, make informed decisions. Now people (including myself) just float from one job/home/partner(not me)/meal to the next brainlessly. If we're not careful in this world of overindulgence, we will lose ourselves.
So now more than ever with no fear of loss of life, food, shelter, or water and life that's pretty darn effortless, we have to focus. (I'm talking about America here. I do realize that many parts of this world do not share our wealth of resources). With basic needs in jeopardy, minds are occupied and purposeful, but when you have everything in the world you could possibly need, what then? I believe humankind was meant to rise above the struggle for survival. Here in the future we shouldn't still be fighting for survival . So the fact that we don't have to work so hard physically is good, but now that we have more time to use our brains, what do we do with them? I know where my focus should be, and I'm determined to do better. But one of my stumbling blocks? Technology.
I believe all of the futuristic technological toys increasing exponentially in their abilities to take the place of our brains are BAD. They are not helping us be more wise and realized. They are helping us be stupid. We can no longer remember phone numbers. We can no longer find a destination using an old-fashioned map. We are losing the ability to have real conversations. We no longer fine-tune personal interests into unique talent (because of that moving box that entertains us during those precious extra minutes of the day). Our kids don't know how to play outside. Imaginations are being snuffed out. Oh--and I'm guilty--when we do find that extra time for the elusive family vacation, do we look at the scenery, play road games, read, or just plain ol' talk to each other? Well no, we watch the DVDs playing on the built-in DVD player in our cars. What? Just missed the buffalo that crossed the road? Oh well. Saw it on the internet. And probably the biggest stupidity of all--again, I'm guilty--driving a speeding bullet one-handed because that minute of silence from non-techno-brain-infusion was deafening.
Our humanity feels broken. We don't want to think anymore. (As a teacher, I see this EVERY DAY. Kids don't know how to tap in to their own voices.) And, we are too aware of each other's business. We have too much time to piddle and poke around accomplishing nothing--just spending our most precious resource of all, TIME,plugged in to technology as our brains atrophy.
Sooooooo, I'm calling my bluff. I'm canceling my facebook. I'm canceling my email. If you need to get in touch with me, you'll have to write me an old-fashioned letter or call my land line. Yes, I'm also canceling my cell phone. I'm going back to the dark ages, and I'm excited. Oh, the possiblities!! You could also comment here on my blog, because this I will keep. To be completely un-hypocritical, I should go back to journals and scrap books, but I like my blog. So, I'm keeping just this one thing. Hmmm...while I'm at it, I'm quitting TV, too. Just news. That's all. And movies. G and me love movies.
Well, I didn't think I was making any resolutions this year, but I guess that's what this is. A resolution to change my life in search of more quality and less quantity. Happy 2010.
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