Doubt...

...is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
Kahlil Gibran


I unloaded a lot of my heaviness of heart today on Wendi, Mrs. Jones, Candace, my dad, my mom, and soon Garon.  I feel lighter.  :)  My life is God's, and where He leads, I will follow.

Melancholy...

..has a hold on me.  I feel sad, disgruntled, mad, stagnant, dissatisfied, reclusive, meditative, frustrated...I haven't blogged in a while, and this is why.  There is no specific reason for my slumpiness, it just is.  I'm ready for change, and I don't know from which direction to expect it.  My spiritual self says, "Give it up.  Let go."  But my cognitive self says, "It's mine.  I can figure it out." 

I want the best for my family.  For all of us.  I'm ready to settle into something, but what is it?  My heart's desire is for a life of quality and simplicity away from the fanatic pace of purposelessness that our society's image endorses.  I don't want to play anymore.  I want to give my life to my family.  I want to turn off all of the tv's, computers, phones, games, and gadgets and get real.  I want to be reconnected to the earth.  I want to raise my own food, can my own food, teach my own kids, cook quality dinners, clean my nest, write, project, exercise, spend quality family time, enjoy nature, commune with God...

I'm coming to the conclusion that resolving all of these wants in my/our present style-of-life is just not going to happen.  Some women seem to do it all.  I can't.  Or I just don't want to.  What's the point?  To have lots of stuff?  I want time.  I want my kids.  I want my husband.  I don't want to feel strung out and less than me.

So change is coming, and I know what I want.  I know what my kids deserve.  I know what my husband deserves.  I want to be better, and I can't do that when I'm spread in so many directions.  Sumpin's gotta give.

For the Love of a Duck

Once upon a time, Aunt Kristin bought her newborn niece, Tori, a yellow duckie.

(See left side of picture...)

As Baby Tori grew, she fell in love with the little yellow duckie.  She called him "Duyay".

Soon, their bond was unbreakable, and everywhere Tori went, Duyay went, too.

Together they grew some more, and Duyay became "Duckie".

And a little more...

And again a little more, and Duckie became "Ming Ming".

In the blink of an eye, newborn Tori was 7, and Ming Ming was still her most treasured friend.

That year, Ming Ming became "Duckie" again as well as the subject of many photographs...

Even when ponies became a new love of her life, Duckie was always her favorite.

And then one day, Tori was sad.  Duckie was falling to pieces.

So she picked out some new material for an extreme duckie makeover.  And Grammy worked her magic... 

...and transformed Tori's most special friend.

Welcome back, Duckie.  We love you!