Spinning

That's what we've been doing...spinning our wheels. I know that the time we spend at work, driving, getting ready, cleaning, paying bills, maintaining, is purposeful, but it also feels like a rat race a lot of the time. This world we try to exist in (sometimes hanging on by our toenails) with its ever-escalating technological, economic, career-driven, mentally/spiritually deprived demands is exhausting. My sentiment of late is "I don't like being a grown-up".

This past week a first-grade teacher at a nearby school left her 16-month-old baby in her car all day long. The car was parked at the school, and no one saw. My baby is 18 months old, and this incident absolutely tore me up. I'm that busy. My mind is scattered in that many directions. I have had to turn around in our school parking lot because I have forgotten to drop off my baby. It could have been me. It could have been anyone trying to super-function in this ridiculous fast-paced world that we've created for ourselves. Why?

I don't know. Disheartening? Yes.

But then again, I do know. Even though this world may be ridiculous, so are my blessings. With the utmost humility, I am so grateful for what God has given. The beauty in the faces of my children, in the love of my husband, in the warmth of our home, is indescribable. Truly. I am blessed to spend every work day in the same building with my daughter. My son is a stone's throw away in a facility where he is loved and nurtured by people who love God. My husband is a devoted provider and leader.

So, even though it's hard, I'm thankful for the enormous growth that comes from living in faith that God will take care of us. We are so small and know so little. Everyone has their own story with God, and He uses our circumstances to shape and build us. I am so, so grateful, and I try every day to give my life to God--to be his arms and legs and voice. Casting Crowns has a song with lyrics to the effect of "If we're the body, then why aren't His arms reaching, his voice calling..." Anyway, THAT's why.

Thank you, God, for the difficulties of life. Please help me to be still in the chaos and know that you are God.