A Testimony

I'm staying put...this year has been a struggle for me for several reasons, but after much soul-searching and pleading with God, the dust has finally settled. My greatest obstacle has been my doubt over the best place for Tori. To say her year started out rocky is an understatement. Then, when I sought to send her to a school where I felt she would be much better served in her needs, doors were closed in my face time and time again. I was angry and frustrated. I was also struggling to maintain my professional friendships while being furious with the situations Tori was having to negotiate.

So I've been praying hard--where, God, do you want me (because wherever I go, Tori goes); what is my purpose for You; help me; light my way--and then God was quiet. I felt so lost. Then more prayer--please, God, help me make the right choices for my Tori's future. Still nothing. I kept trying to be still. "Be still and know that I am God." Things did slowly begin to change. Tori's year was easing up...but I didn't notice. I was still screaming my prayers into the heavens begging for answers that I was trying to orchestrate myself despite my "stillness".

Then, last weekend our church had a women's retreat. With all of the unrest in the other parts of my life, I've spent this year being dissatisfied at church, too. So, I wasn't super excited, but I prayed for an open mind and an open heart. At the retreat, during one of the quiet moments when our pastor's wife asked us to sit silently and let God move, I prayed once more--please, God, show me Your will. I stopped my screaming and listened. Then, so quietly, I felt His still, quiet voice telling me, "I led you to County Line". Twice, to be exact. I am a doubting Thomas, and though God led me there in the first place, I thought it wasn't good enough, and I left. That's a whole other story and testimony, but ultimately, God sent me back.

And, I have to backtrack a bit and share that the teacher who works across the hall from me started coming to our church a few months ago. She and her husband are people rooted deeply in the spirit of God, and they were led to our church through our pastor and his wife who are good friends and who they met at their previous church...

So, back to the retreat--after that still, quiet moment where God's silence was finally broken for me, we began praying aloud. My co-worker broke in and prayed a prayer in gratitude for me and our ministry there at County Line together. God had given me my direction. I realized, too, that until that moment, God had been waiting for me to be quiet so he could speak. Even though I thought I was listening, I had been raging for months. I have also learned several times now in my life, that God's messages sometimes take time--that's not a lesson I've well-learned, but I'm working on it.

I am so thankful for my God and His direction for my life. My life is His, and where He leads I will follow. County Line is such a sweet, nurturing little school, and I am blessed to work there. Likewise, Tori is loved and adored there, and whatever is lacking in resources for her is made up in the teachers' efforts to provide anything she needs. I'm thankful for stillness in my heart.

We are staying put, and whatever choices follow from here will be about putting down roots. I love you, my God, and thank you for your Life in my heart.