Lent 2012

Giving up "negativity".  :)  No negative thoughts, feelings, actions.  Garon is sweet and doesn't think I'm negative in the first place, but I am.  There are certain times when I am a decidedly "Negative Nelli".  I will fail, but that's the point...When I do, I will reflect, pray, and rest in God's grace.  So blessed, so thankful, and so in love with life!

Snow Day!

AKA...Homework Day!  I have some catch-up to do, and I'm thankful for the extra TIME!  But first, the kids dragged me out of bed and into the snow...

Bill's Pond

Bill's Hay bales

The beginning of a snowman...

Snow Dogs

Melancholy...

...has taken hold tonight.  Thinking of my beautiful sis and how special she is in my life.  One of God's amazing gifts for me.  Though we're nearly four years apart, I feel like we shared the womb, like we were one and only entry onto this earth broke us apart.  Our hearts are alike.  Our fears are alike.  Our chemistry is alike.  Our spirits are alike...hard to describe.  So glad she's mine.  I love her.

Reminiscing

Sat. Feb. 9th, 2008...Around lunchtime...Getting ready to take Tori to Nonna and Pops.  Labor will be induced tomorrow, and Tori is staying with them for a few days.

1:45 PM...Garon and I leave the house to drop Tori off.  On a whim, I tell Garon to go ahead and put the packed hospital bag in the car.

2:15 PM...Taco Bell for me.

2:30 PM...Braum's ice cream for Tori

Shortly after 3:00...We meet Nonna and Pops and drop off Tori.


3 something...Arrive in Van Buren to visit Ty and Stacie.  Contractions start about 5 minutes apart.

3:30ish...We leave Van Buren headed to hospital.

4ish...Admitted to observation room at hospital.  I ask for epidural to be ordered.  Nurse says dismissively, "Okay, we will" and leaves the room.

4-later-ish...I tell Garon "I'm not getting an epidural."  Garon says, "Yes you will.  Don't worry."  I steel myself for no-drugs labor.

4:35ish...I'm finally being wheeled to a delivery room.  When I get there, I have to crawl onto another bed.  Nurses are trying to start an IV and telling me not to push.  Doctor Muylaert is not there.  No doctor is there.

4:39ish...Doctor McClanahan is pulled in from the floor.

4:40...Adrion is born.  Nurses get IV in place.

4:45...Doctor Muylaert walks in.

4:50ish...Garon calls family to tell them Adrion is here.  No one believes him. :)

Now, Feb. 8, 2012...I'm still reeling from the wild ride of Adrion's birth.  I lived it, but it was so fast and furious that it seemed surreal.  Also surreal is that tomorrow Adrion will be 4.  I love him to pieces, and I am so proud of him and his beautiful big sister.  Thank you, God, for my children.

National Boards, Take 2

Dug in today.  A girl in my "Organizational Change" class is certified and leads a support group in her area.  She said she "loves it."  Me:  "Really?  You LOVE National Boards?"  Her:  "Yes."  I accept her answer, but I seriously wonder at my completely opposite regard for the process.

So, I'm trying to channel her love and change my NB paradigm.  I'm also proceeding very prayerfully...not that prayer means I'll get a passing score...just for clarity and peace as I write/teach/create...

I hope sincerely that I can look back at the process and appreciate professional change...I want to be glad I did this and be supportive and positive to others going for it. 

So without any further ado, I'm going jogging to clear my head after all that concentration. :)

Tonight...

...the smell of cedar, a falling star, frogs singing...It's unseasonably warm, and Earth is breathing here on Tate Road. 

Lambert

The kids just finished watching a cartoon about "Lambert".  Lambert is a lion who the stork mistakenly delivers to a sheep.  Lambert grows up a "sheepish" lion, and then one night a coyote comes upon the his herd.  Lambert sees him, is scared, and tries to hide behind the other sheep.  As Lambert watches, petrified, the coyote takes his mother.

At this point, I am engrossed in the plot.  Garon even walks through and asks, "What are you looking at?"  I am thinking to myself, "Lambert doesn't know his potential!"  Even though I know the plot line will resolve happily, I am nervous and rooting Lambert on...

Then I think of myself as an outsider looking in.  Then I think of the characters as us and God being the One looking in.  He knows each of our individual potentials, and we must make him crazy as we hide (or turn away) from the gifts we've been given.  But in His wisdom, He molds us.  Circumstances (usually hard ones) force us to come forth and be who we were made to be.  Not until encountering situations our small human minds could never dream of do we see a glimpse of our enlightened selves.

My good friend, Nancy, also recently shared another angle on the subject of hard circumstances and character building...she spoke of the process metal is put through in order to skim away impurities.  First it is placed above fire, then it is melted, and finally the impurities rise to the top to be skimmed away.  We are like metal.  Sometimes we don't even realize our lack of Grace until we are put "against the fire".  Our reactions to our circumstances reveal our true natures.  Once made aware of our weaknesses, we can give them to God and let Him change us.

Back to Lambert...I'm finding irony as I reflect on the fact that Lambert's "true nature" actually makes him a danger to his family.  However, our "true nature" is equally menacing.  Only with the Grace of God can we use our gifts for good.  Otherwise, like Lambert, our own incompetent misuse inevitably leads to darkness.

All of that said, I pray that God will mold me and let me be His hands and voice and feet here on Earth.  I pray that He takes my life through whatever circumstances necessary to break me from my impurities in order to change my heart.  Please, God, let my eyes be open to Your Will that I may grow closer to You every day of this new year, 2012.  Help me be giving and selfless.  Help me spread Your Light and Love.