Tonight...

...the smell of cedar, a falling star, frogs singing...It's unseasonably warm, and Earth is breathing here on Tate Road. 

Lambert

The kids just finished watching a cartoon about "Lambert".  Lambert is a lion who the stork mistakenly delivers to a sheep.  Lambert grows up a "sheepish" lion, and then one night a coyote comes upon the his herd.  Lambert sees him, is scared, and tries to hide behind the other sheep.  As Lambert watches, petrified, the coyote takes his mother.

At this point, I am engrossed in the plot.  Garon even walks through and asks, "What are you looking at?"  I am thinking to myself, "Lambert doesn't know his potential!"  Even though I know the plot line will resolve happily, I am nervous and rooting Lambert on...

Then I think of myself as an outsider looking in.  Then I think of the characters as us and God being the One looking in.  He knows each of our individual potentials, and we must make him crazy as we hide (or turn away) from the gifts we've been given.  But in His wisdom, He molds us.  Circumstances (usually hard ones) force us to come forth and be who we were made to be.  Not until encountering situations our small human minds could never dream of do we see a glimpse of our enlightened selves.

My good friend, Nancy, also recently shared another angle on the subject of hard circumstances and character building...she spoke of the process metal is put through in order to skim away impurities.  First it is placed above fire, then it is melted, and finally the impurities rise to the top to be skimmed away.  We are like metal.  Sometimes we don't even realize our lack of Grace until we are put "against the fire".  Our reactions to our circumstances reveal our true natures.  Once made aware of our weaknesses, we can give them to God and let Him change us.

Back to Lambert...I'm finding irony as I reflect on the fact that Lambert's "true nature" actually makes him a danger to his family.  However, our "true nature" is equally menacing.  Only with the Grace of God can we use our gifts for good.  Otherwise, like Lambert, our own incompetent misuse inevitably leads to darkness.

All of that said, I pray that God will mold me and let me be His hands and voice and feet here on Earth.  I pray that He takes my life through whatever circumstances necessary to break me from my impurities in order to change my heart.  Please, God, let my eyes be open to Your Will that I may grow closer to You every day of this new year, 2012.  Help me be giving and selfless.  Help me spread Your Light and Love.

December Newsbrief

I don't feel very bloggish tonight, but I want to add some life updates.  The biggest new happening is I'm going back to school!  I start in January toward a Master's in School Leadership and Counseling from ATU.  It's a milestone that is very important to me, and I'm so thankful for my uber-supportive family for allowing me the privilege...

What else?  Housing choices are heavily on our minds lately.  (Actually, way longer than "lately", but we're getting closer and closer to acting on the thinking.)  Building seems like a stressful endeavor, but buying takes us away from the land.  I love my land.  It belonged to my great-great grandmother (Myra Green), I've grown up here, and I'm at peace here.  Peacefulness is not one of my natural dispositions, so that's saying something.  And apart from my self-centeredness, my kids have all the freedom in the world out here to run and explore and grow, and G is pretty content, too.  Hopefully by summer or fall of 2012 we'll be ready to start...

But back to now...9 days to Christmas.  The kids are very excited.  Tori wants a Kindle Fire and an etch-a-sketch, and Adrion wants a race track that goes "up and down and up and down and up and down".  I'm looking forward to family time and some moments to pause and catch up with the house, some reading, some projects, etc.

My family is so blessed throughout the holidays, and I'm thankful for all of our indulgences.  I know that our reality is far from that experienced by so many others, and I pray for humility in my heart and awareness of opportunity to serve.  Love to all.

♥Merry Christmas! ♥

* Below is a picture from the 10th, GrandDad's 80th birthday.  Note the blondness of all of his great-grands. :) *

Scarlett, Emma, GrandDad, Tori, Adrion, Jaxon

Thanksgiving 2011

Mama's chicks

Thankful...

National Boards

9 points short.

National Boards

Well, the results were due yesterday.  NBPTS told us to expect them before noon central time.  So after about three hours of sleep Thursday night, I woke up Friday at 6 and checked the site for scores.  Not yet.  I then checked every hour on the hour until lunch duty at 11:30 with recess duty following.  When I got back to a computer at 12:30, the following message greeted me:

"It is with great regret that we write this message. We are experiencing technical difficulties and will not be releasing scores by noon as projected earlier. Specifically, while My Profile and the data therein is ready for release, we are experiencing technical difficulty with the servers on which My Profile is housed.  This matter is receiving the highest level of attention in our organization, for we know and understand fully how important this day is for candidates awaiting their certification decisions. Please trust that we are applying great pressure to our vendor for an expedient and permanent solution. We'll provide an update again around 4:00 p.m. CST."

Needless to say, results did not come.  Today, the most recent message says this:

"At this point in time we have been unable to reach a resolution to the server issue that has prevented Friday’s planned score release. Unfortunately, scores will not be released until further notice. Pearson staff, as well as NBPTS staff in both San Antonio, TX, and Arlington, VA, continues to work to resolve the problem.

While we continue to resolve this issue, you may now see access to your My Proflie account as we bring the system  back online, but please be aware that scores have not been released.
While we continue to seek resolution, we are unable to provide you with a timeline at this point. Again, we deeply regret this situation.

We will send all candidates an email  as soon as we have concrete information to share with you."
 

 So, I'm still waiting.  

Toripants

Every day is a new adventure with my Toripants.  And at this point (after almost 10 years of acclimation), I'm pretty much numb and unaffected by the unexpected situations she creates.  For example, a couple of weeks ago, I was called to her classroom because she had stabbed another student with her pencil.  Why?  Because he took it from her.  Many parents might have focused immediately on what measures of discipline to dish out, but my first reaction was analytical..."What were the triggers that set her off?"  Though Tori has transformed from an explosive minefield of a child to quite the refined young lady in her 10 years, I still have to remember that she is affected every day of her life by the repercussions of Asperger's...Social issues.  Communication issues.  Sensory issues....They're always there.

So, imagine my surprise when I found out that Tori was going to sing a solo on stage for Veteran's Day at school.  Tori has always liked to have everyone's attention, she is not shy about performing, and she's always been musical; so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised...but I was.  According to her music teacher, Mrs. Murphy, Tori had to audition for the part.  Mrs. Murphy kept telling me how pretty Tori's voice was and how she had perfect pitch.  Then, another teacher heard her practicing and told me how well she was singing.  I was dubious.  Really?  But she wouldn't sing for me (at all) before the performance.  I just let it go hoping that she knew her stuff...(The "letting go" is another survival skill I've learned from life with Tori.)

Sooooooo, without further ado, here she is (the first time ever singing solo before an audience) performing for our elementary, high school, and visiting community.  (The voice heard in the background is Mrs. Murphy mouthing the words next to me.)