Nemesis:

an unconquerable opponent or rival....

Since my husband (and the rest of my family who are becoming aware of my resolution) prefer to reach me in a more expedient manner than snail mail, I'm giving in on no cell.  Boo.  I seriously don't like this little creature, but I do love my family, so I give.

I will try to nurture it and keep it alive, but something deeply subconscious in me will undoubtedly cause continued abuse and neglect.  But go ahead.  Call me.

A Ranting, Raving Resolution

So this is it.  2010.  We're in the future.  And the infusion of technology in our everyday lives is ridiculous.  No, flying cars have not yet made the scene and we can't transport from one place on earth to another (or to another planet yet), but otherwise life on this planet has mega-warped into an unrecognizable existence from that of only 100 years ago--or even 10 years ago.

Consider the Roman Empire.  2,000 years of a civilization that is portrayed by basically the same consistent picture...go ahead, close your eyes.  Imagine what that looked like.  The same.  For 2,000 years.  And now we have to gauge our modern history in terms of decades to keep up with the changes.  The pace is relentless, cumbersome, overwhelming.  There are too many choices.  People used to make their own food, build their own homes, birth their own babies, make informed decisions.  Now people (including myself) just float from one job/home/partner(not me)/meal to the next brainlessly.  If we're not careful in this world of overindulgence, we will lose ourselves.

So now more than ever with no fear of loss of life, food, shelter, or water and life that's pretty darn effortless, we have to focus.  (I'm talking about America here.  I do realize that many parts of this world do not share our wealth of resources).  With basic needs in jeopardy, minds are occupied and purposeful, but when you have everything in the world you could possibly need, what then?  I believe humankind was meant to rise above the struggle for survival.  Here in the future we shouldn't still be fighting for survival .  So the fact that we don't have to work so hard physically is good, but now that we have more time to use our brains, what do we do with them?  I know where my focus should be, and I'm determined to do better.  But one of my stumbling blocks?  Technology.

I believe all of the futuristic technological toys increasing exponentially in their abilities to take the place of our brains are BAD.  They are not helping us be more wise and realized.  They are helping us be stupid.  We can no longer remember phone numbers.  We can no longer find a destination using an old-fashioned map.  We are losing the ability to have real conversations.  We no longer fine-tune personal interests into unique talent (because of that moving box that entertains us during those precious extra minutes of the day).  Our kids don't know how to play outside.  Imaginations are being snuffed out.  Oh--and I'm guilty--when we do find that extra time for the elusive family vacation, do we look at the scenery, play road games, read, or just plain ol' talk to each other?  Well no, we watch the DVDs playing on the built-in DVD player in our cars.  What?  Just missed the buffalo that crossed the road?  Oh well.  Saw it on the internet.  And probably the biggest stupidity of all--again, I'm guilty--driving a speeding bullet one-handed because that minute of silence from non-techno-brain-infusion was deafening.

Our humanity feels broken.  We don't want to think anymore.  (As a teacher, I  see this EVERY DAY.  Kids don't know how to tap in to their own voices.)  And, we are too aware of each other's business.  We have too much time to piddle and poke around accomplishing nothing--just spending our most precious resource of all, TIME,plugged in to technology as our brains atrophy. 

Sooooooo, I'm calling my bluff.  I'm canceling my facebook.  I'm canceling my email.  If you need to get in touch with me, you'll have to write me an old-fashioned letter or call my land line.  Yes, I'm also canceling my cell phone.  I'm going back to the dark ages, and I'm excited.  Oh, the possiblities!!  You could also comment here on my blog, because this I will keep.  To be completely un-hypocritical, I should go back to journals and scrap books, but I like my blog.  So, I'm keeping just this one thing.  Hmmm...while I'm at it, I'm quitting TV, too.  Just news.  That's all.  And movies.  G and me love movies.

Well, I didn't think I was making any resolutions this year, but I guess that's what this is.  A resolution to change my life in search of more quality and less quantity.  Happy 2010.

Christmas 2009 Favorite Pics

Thank you, my God, for this life so full of love and abundance. May we live each day of 2010 not for our own selfish purposes, but for Your glory.

Possum update

Or is it opossum? I think "opossum" is actually more correct, but both versions are in the dictionary, and I pronounce it without the "u" at the beginning, so ANYWAY...

We're up to four now, well five if you count "Polly". Two now live down by the river, two now live somewhere near Vesta where my dad relocated them, and Polly lives in the house--mostly on Tori's bed. As it turns out, possums are pretty low-maintenance pets.











































The trap is set and ready...how many possums could possibly be under there???

My Tori

Well, actually she's Garon's, too, and her grandparents' and the rest of her extended family's, but ANYWAY, here's her story (briefly) starting at birth...

<1--Extremely difficult, easily set-off, rigid, mostly inconsolable infant. Extreme sensitivity of personal space. (This is still true.)

1-2 years--Normal developmental milestones met, but some "quirky". For example, didn't refer to self as "I" until 3. She always referred to herself in the third person and echoed to communicate. Many, many tantrums. We "walked on eggshells" a lot, not knowing what would set her off. I was very protective--probably because I knew her triggers and others didn't know not to treat her as they would other babies.

2 1/2-3 years--First evals done at Schmeiding. The doctor there attributed her behaviors to my over-protectiveness. Basically, it was my fault.

2 1/2-3 years--Sis-in-law got us into Kistler for further evals. "Sensory Integration Dysfunction" was the new direction. Tori began speech and OT twice a week.

3-4 years--Tori began pre-school. Speech and OT services were now given through the area's educational coop.

5 years--Divine intervention. Through a chance meeting, I found an educational examiner who lives only 5 minutes from my "in-the-boonies" home. She did an array of evals that finally gave us a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. Finally, a more solid direction to guide us in seeking resources, though this is only an "educational" diagnosis.

5-7 years--K-2 in public school. Tantrums, fights, inappropriate reactivity, impulsivity, difficulty focusing, basically a hard road. Maybe actually for me more than her though, since I'm the mom watching it every day (and I work there, so I get an insiders' look, too).

7 years--YESTERDAY--Medical team all-day evals at Dennis Developmental in Little Rock. Overall results:

• She's definitely on the autism spectrum. Asperger's isn't a perfect fit, but autism presents differently in girls, and it's the closest label. So, Asperger's it is...
• We now have a permanent connection to Little Rock's resources including a new doc in Alma who will do yearly update appointments with us.
• Tori will start meds soon to help with her concentration.
• We will continue lots and lots of social stories, "coaching" her through day-to-day activities, and start focusing a lot on "Theory of Mind" to help her learn to empathize and cope socially.

So, in a super-short, brief picture, here we are. My Tori, you are my beautiful, precious, funny, inspiring, light-of-my-life. I love you so much, and no matter what the world throws your way, I'll do everything I can to help you figure it out.

Got 'cha

As it turns out, fuming the possums out did not work. So, plan B...Garon bought a trap. And, as you can see, it was very effective. We set it with some Thanksgiving dinner leftovers, so at least the poor thing got a good last meal at the Kerns house....


















...before we drove it to its new home 5 miles away near the Arkansas River.
















Bye, bye, stinky possum!

Random

According to my husband, I need a secretary. My mind is so constantly scattered in so many directions that I rarely know exactly what I'm doing or where I've been. It seriously takes focused effort on my part to replay the events of one day, let alone a week, or heaven forbid longer than that. SO, this post is random like my mind at the moment...

First, Baby Stellan from the "My Charming Kids" blog had surgery today. Stellan just turned one year old and today underwent his second heart surgery. He has been hanging in there by God's amazing grace for the past several months as doctors have waited for his little body to be big enough to tolerate the needed surgery. Well, he had it today, and it was overwhelmingly successful. It's a very long story, but "McMama's" link is on my site if you're interested in more details. The most amazing part to me is the connection of people that the life of this sweet baby has brought together through the wise voice God has given to his mama. As long as she keeps blogging, I'll continue to check in and love her family.

Next, with Stellan on my mind, I began thinking today about God and miracles and angels and such, and remembered a poignant moment in my life when I witnessed the supernatural--feeling God's presence is familiar, but seeing it is something else...my sister and I were swimming with our kids at one of my friend's house. We three moms were chatting as our kids played. Our three chairs were facing the pool where our three girls were in and my sister's son was out. He was 3 at the time, and as we chatted he leaned in for a toy that was just out of reach. All three of us moms turned at once in that surreal moment to see my 6-year-old daughter lifting her 3-year-old cousin out of the deep end. She hadn't had swim lessons. She was not strong enough to lift him. But she did--effortlessly--and we saw her. We asked her what happened, and she said "I saved Eli". Just like that. No big deal. But truly, we saw the Big Deal, and it is still absolutely incomprehensible.

And on to the next totally unrelated thing--possums. We have a possum family that has been living under our house for the past probably 6 months. I am a devout lover of animals, so any kind of inhumane eviction has been out of the question. The grandest effort we (I) have made until tonight was the purchase of a can of stinky granules that were supposedly made with the scent of their predators' urine. Well, I crawled under the house, spread the granules, and the possums didn't blink. (I need to also mention here that our 3 cats peacefully co-exist with the possums. They can often be found chilling on the porch with them after dark.) ANYWAY, tonight Garon purposefully, stealthily approached me as he gestured for me to follow. Hmmm...at this point I'm thinking there's something naturey and pretty that he wants to show me. He led me into our bedroom where he pointed to the vent. Then he mouthed, "The possum's in there." So...I opened it, and there's the possum looking up at us. Weird. So, Garon got the bleach and dumped it down all of the vent ducts to fume it out. We then shut all vents to make sure it stayed extra fumey down there...and then, they RAN AWAY!!! Yay! We have now blocked all known entrances under our house, so maybe our unwanted guests won't be staying for the holidays.

And next, speaking of houses, we're scouting out the Smiths' 60 acres for a place to re-plant ourselves. We have outgrown this house, and it's definitely time for a new direction. We hope to rent this house after we move, but we'll see. ALL details are still in the air. We'll probably do something by spring, so my mind is definitely preoccupied occasionally with the details...

And finally, after three weeks of sickness and fever in our house, Adrion is better (knock on wood) and Tori has a diagnosis for her relentless fever--pneumonia. I am so glad for that diagnosis and so, so thankful for our wonderfully thorough and kind pediatrician, Dr. Beene. She is amazing.

One last happy thought--the 21st is my and G's 11th anniversary. That's so unreal to me. When we married, nothing in my life made sense except for him. He is the one piece that has always been solid. Now, we're almost to a place where we can be still and enjoy with the rest of our life falling in place around us. I'm so thankful and so ready for that. I love you, my G.

And that concludes my commercial message of random thoughts...now on to some paper-grading.