Christmas 2008

It's already here and gone, and here are some moments to remember...











Tori and Lauren's Christmas dance recital (Tori's first)...















The Vesta UMC Christmas program: Tori and Adrion were both part of the heavenly host...Tori was also a part of Mrs. Linda's bell choir.















The third Santa of the season...

















Adrion with his first real sickness ever--some kind of "throat blisters" complete with 103 degree fever--on Christmas Eve!!















Tori and her daddy at the Kerns Family Christmas without me and the baby. :(












Christmas with the Smiths...



Missing are pictures of Tori with her "FurReal" pony that Santa brought. We do have video, but I don't have time to figure that out at the moment. :) Gotta go get my house put back together! I must say before ending this post though that we are so, so blessed. We have an absolutely amazing family, and I'm so thankful for the overwhelming show of love that we share each holiday season. My heart is full, and I'm looking forward to a wonderful 2009!

The Christmas Train

Close to Pryor, OK is a little place called Dry Gulch where they have a Christmas train every year. A friend at work told me about it, so we went last Saturday. It's a neat little place, and we enjoyed it! The train takes you from the story of creation through Christ's resurrection. Then, Tori got to ride a carousel and a pony, we rode in a horse-drawn carriage, and the kiddos got to visit Santa. Adrion was not intimidated at all by his first encounter with big scary Santa! Tori and Adrion have actually seen Santa twice already--here and at G's work. They'll probably see him at least two more times still before Christmas...I can't remember that many Santas being around when I was a kid!

Here's me, Tori, and Adrion with the train lit up in the background.

Here's Tori telling Santa she wants "Fur-Real" Smores pony that "eats a carrot, moves her head up and down, and combs her hair really pretend". This was news to me and G who were under the impression she was not interested in this pony. Needless to say, we revamped the Santa list.

Here's my G and my little man sporting their stylin' winter hats.

Here we all are on the train.

And I just like this one...the roses in the background are from G for our 10-year anniversary! Love you, my G.

And tonight Tori and I are off to see the wizard with my drama kids! The season is getting busy!

10 Years

Yesterday was mine and Garon's 10-year anniversary! We had reservations at a cottage in Eureka Springs that I'd made several months ago. However, when the time came, I wasn't ready to leave Adrion, so we sent my parents in our stead! So, they are up there now, and I hope they are having a wonderful time!

We opted for dinner and a movie rental. Thanks to Nonna and Pops for keeping Adrion and Candace for keeping Tori, we enjoyed a yummy dinner at the Ribeye then came home with our movies. It was nice! I love my Garon so much! Our 10 years have been very roller-coastery with the challenges life has given (and some that we have chosen), but through everything our love has always been the one solid piece. I am so thankful and blessed. I love you, G.

9 months old

Today is Adrion's 9 month, Pops's 56th, and Emma's 3rd birthday! Adrion's most recent accomplishment is pulling up to stand. He started trying about a week ago, and now he's a pro! Here he is two different times that I found him standing this morning... :)

And here he is just being cute.

Buzzing Tori's Brain

One of Tori's favorite games to play with her animals is to "buzz their brains". I'm not exactly sure what that means, but Tori says it means they're dead, so they buzz their brains. Hmmm....anyway, Tori got her brain buzzed finally, too. She had her EEG a couple of weeks ago, and it was a little abnormal in the right frontal lobe. I'm not exactly sure what that means either except that that's the lobe that deals with communication and sensory stuff--interesting since those are Tori's main difficulties. Anyway, we are now headed to Little Rock on Friday for an MRI. She will be sedated and get an IV for the "contrast" imaging. I don't know what result will come from the testing, but I'll be glad to just make sure that everything physically is okay. So keep us in your prayers!

Halloweeny Pics

Adrion's 2 teeth as promised...

Enjoying his first pumpkin full of Halloween candy...

Supergirl (with fangs) and Yoda :)

My Bitin' Baby

Shortly after Adrion hit his 8 month mark, he cut his second tooth. His first seemed to make no difference in any way, but when that second one came through--man! All of a sudden he was a biter! One of his favorite snacks now is pretzels. He likes the stick kind to hold in his little fists and gnaw into stubs.

Other things he's doing--sitting, waving hi and bye (shocking to me b/c Tori was so much later doing that), constantly saying "bwap", and GROWING! He's 19 1/2 pounds now.

Something he's NOT doing anymore--nursing. I'm proud we made it to 8 months, but when in came the biting, out went the nursing! :)

Here's my sweet little man! This pic was actually taken right at 7 months, so I'll have to post a two-toof pic next time...

Restless

So we're working on the best direction for Tori. Because of that, I'm waiting on a few different things to happen:

• UAMS in Lowell is supposed to be calling to schedule an EEG (hope I got that right--it's the brain scan) to make sure she isn't having petit mal seizures when she "zones out".


• I'm waiting on the OT at County Line to re-evaluate.


• I'm waiting on UAMS in Little Rock to schedule a developmental eval. (Right now, Tori's diagnosis is educational only, but I want a medical diagnosis as well for the sake of some extra things that necessitate the medical community's involvement.)


• I'm waiting for December so that I can send Tori to Alma where there is extensive knowledge/training/implementation of services for kids on the Autism spectrum. Because of school laws from the state and district, that's the soonest I can move her. (I won't elaborate on why because it infuriates me and I'll get mean.)

Needless to say, all of the waiting has me restless. Meanwhile, I have to try to focus on the 80 students that file in and out of my door each day and try to keep a heart for that purpose, too. After having to deal with my district on this whole new level special-ed-wise with Tori, I have become very discontent. There are major holes in the system, and students are falling through the cracks.

I'm trying, though, to be still. All of these things are out of my control. I have done all that I can for the moment, so I have to practice patience--a fruit of the spirit that was not built into my DNA...and not only that--I have to keep serving the kids I've been given the very best that I can.

I'm just trusting God to show us the way. Wherever he leads, I will follow. And Garon is my rock. We love each other, and we love our kids, and that's all that matters in the end. I'm so thankful for my life and all of its blessings, so I'm done worrying for the moment. One of my students made me a picture last week that said "There are plenty of things to think about, but nothing to worry about". :) To end tonight, here's a picture of our Gabby with not a care in the world...

Tori Pants

My Tori Pants is my precious gift from God. How incomprehensible is it that where once there was a void, now there is Tori. (I haven't forgotten the same miracle who is her little brother...I'm just marvelling at my oldest for the moment.) The light God has given her is blinding in its intensity, and I am humbled to be her mother.

My sweet Tori Pants, I love you, and I will be your warrior, your protector, your shelter for as long as you'll let me. You are amazing.

Don't Blink

Adrion turned 7 months old on the 9th. That same day he got his first tooth...and now one week later he's army crawling. My little man is growing like a weed!! He really looks JUST like Tori, too. Same-age pics of the two of them are uncannily similar. I'm so in love with my kiddos! (Not to mention their baby daddy...) Thank you, God, for my family.

Tori...

Adrion...



Tori...













See Adrion below!

Preview of Halloween 2008

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Mr. Core

I lost a good friend today. Mr. Core passed away early this morning, evidently from a blood clot resulting from his recent foot surgery. Mr. Core was the music teacher at County Line, and he was wonderful. He is absolutely irreplaceable, and he will be sorely missed.

I think what meant the most to me about Mr. Core was his love for Tori. He accepted her and loved her for her quirkinesses. He loved every student that way. It's so hard to understand God's timing, and I don't presume to try, but this world is a lonelier place without Mr. Core in it--especially at County Line Schools.

Thank you, Mr. Core, for your example of love and excellence. Thank you for your Christian values and your vivacious spirit. You were an amazing human being, and I'm so sad that you're gone. Thank you for the life you lived.

Dancin' Machine

Tori went to her first ballet/tap/jazz class tonight, and she LOVED it! She has turned into such a girlie girl! She stayed focused the whole time, and Ms. Dot was wonderful! Here are Tori and Lauren ready to dance!

Back to School

I've been working, working, working, and I'm finally ready for students! It's going to be a good year!

My Tori

So we got home from County Line's yearly pre-school picnic tonight a couple of hours ago, and I should be asleep, but since my summer internal clock is still ticking, here I am. The picnic (or cook-out I guess I should say) was on Mt. Magazine, and it's just so beautiful down there. The weather was good, too--nice and cool up there on top of Arkansas...

So of course with all of my co-workers comes all of the kids. Lots and lots of kids, and Tori was way excited. Tori has had a lot of fun this summer playing with her cousins and a few of my friends' kids, and I know that she's ready to go back to school to see her County Line buddies, too. I love that she is super social and wants to build those relationships.

All of that said though, those relationships are very hard for her. When she is out of the regular routine like we've been all summer, I forget that she's different. (With her Asperger's, normal social connections are so hard for her.) Then, like tonight, when I see her struggle, my heart breaks. I need to back up though and explain...

When we got there, several kids younger than Tori were playing with some balls. Tori wanted to go play, too, but she wasn't sure how to approach the new kids. I encouraged her to go ahead, and she did, but she was more of an observer running around the action than a participant. She wants so badly to play, but she doesn't understand the "rules" that go into cooperative play. Tori was trying, though, so I didn't hover. Then, when it was time to eat, I went to get her and found her laying on the ground by herself. When I asked her what was up, she fought her tears and said, "No one will play with me."

Times like that absolutely KILL me. My Tori is truly going to break my heart a million times over before I get her grown...Anyway, she did keep trying, but the rest of the night was no more successful than the beginning. It's just heart-wrenching for me because she cannot understand why she feels the way she feels or why the other kids want to play so much differently than she does. I can see the sadness, confusion and hurt in her expressions, and all I can do is ask God to help me give her the tools to make it in this thing called humanity. As her mother, I just want to hide her away from it all--homeschool is very tempting...

With Asperger's, the social part is supposed to really hit a wall at around 3rd grade. If we get that far in public school and Tori can't cope, I will take her out. Tori has too many adults in her life who love her and understand her quirks for me to let her suffer through that part of childhood. School can be so brutal, and then in retrospect it means nothing. If anything, many adults work for years afterward to resolve the hurts left from the damage done by those immature relationships. There are other ways for us to get Tori to adulthood.

Anyway, my heart hurts tonight. I cannot dwell too long on my Tori's disadvantages though. She is my beautiful gift from God, and I love her more than my life. I just have to put her in God's able hands and know that I am small and He is big. She's my little lady, and God gave her to me while we're here on this earth, so I'll do everything I can for her. She is amazing, and I am blessed.

Okay...I'm going to go cuddle with my baby now. Maybe I can get a minute of sleep before he's up to eat!

Catching Up

Only 9 days left until school starts!!! And I have been SUCH a procrastinator!!! That's me, though. I do have manic moments at times when I become somewhat consistently productive, but those are becoming more and more nonexistent. I just function better in a veg, veg, WORK pattern. :) It's definitely a Wall characteristic, so I guess fighting those genetic inevitabilities is futile!

I am going to try to keep up with my blog better. Since I teach Literacy, and I'm going to be requiring my students to write constantly, I need to be a good example! I'm really excited about this year...my career has felt so disjointed, and things are finally stable. In the past three years I've taught 4th grade Language/Writing at County Line, 3rd grade Math/Social Studies at Tilles, 1st grade at Lavaca, GT at Lavaca, 5th/6th Social Studies at County Line, 5th/6th Literacy at County Line, and then I had a baby! Craziness!! God is in control, though, and I'm so thankful for that. I know I am where He wants me now, so I am ready to follow His will and do my very best for my kids this year!

So, all of that said, I need to go get busy! After lunch and picking up around the house, I am digging in! I've got a great big orange crate of school stuff calling my name...

29 and holding...

I don't like it. Too close to 30, and I still feel 19. Hmmm...to offset that negativity, here are 29 blessings that I thank God for every day!

My life, Garon, Tori, Adrion, Freedom, Mom, Dad, Candace, Kernses, Toblers, Smiths, Walls, Teaching, Children, County Line, a roof, a soft bed, a snuggly hubby, a sweet cuddly baby, Tori's eccentricities, God's guidance, the Holy Spirit, contact lenses, cheese, chocolate, clean running water, soft kitties, our great big new German Shepherd, and Jesus in my heart...

Okay...29 more! Exercise, sweat, the warmth of the sun, cool rains, thunderstorms, our trampoline, friendship, Vesta UMC, a healthy body, the woods behind our house, involved grandparents, Garon's scruffy face, long summer days, flip flops, dreams, goals, the Beatles, writing, summer vacation with my children, good metabolism, a beautiful lawn, free will, individuality, our amazing Earth, stargazing, fireflies, humanity, a persistent hardworking disposition, and breath in my body!

So there it is...Happy Birthday to me. :) Thank you, my God!

Here I go...

Well, thanks to inspiration from Casey and Michelle and their most excellent blogs, I decided I needed one, too. :) Our technological world is so interesting in the way it has both isolated and united us! Here I am, totally isolating myself behind a computer screen and yet still communicating with anyone who cares to reach out and be in touch! Very strange. I am always hesitant about embracing the "newest" and "best" technologies...I leave that up to Garon. But, here I am to share a small piece of our life with whoever cares to visit. I am an open book for all of the world to read! :)